“You didn’t have a moment of disconnect. Yours started pre-birth and went through childhood and on!”
A short while back I was interacting with our Immanuel regarding some on going lingering life sensations, including feeling adrift in life. Out of the blue, a vivid recall of an experiment surprisingly came to mind.
The “Silent Face” experiment, done back in 1975, has always been deeply gut wrenching for me to watch. It begins with a happy mom and infant delightfully gazing at each other and doing the happy interacting that mom and babies do. Then the mom is instructed to present a non-moving, blank face for a minute. Within that minute, the darling little one tries to engage mom, pulls back with dejection on his face, then turns away from mommy in obvious despair and resignation. When the experimental moment is over, mom attempts to re-engage with her child, but he is resistant and it takes a significant amount of time for the mom to be able to have a happy re-connection.
This goes along with the ongoing studies that reveal that the lack of a secure, timely attuned attachment with a child’s main caregiver results in significant developmental trauma that can be ongoing into adult years.
Over time, I have had an increasingly clear knowing of Immanuel’s intricately keeping track of me. He has let me experience His tender awareness of my early months and years where there was a significant break in attachment between myself and the rest of the world. But this was like a punch in my gut- validating and giving understanding when He communicated that my experience in infancy was not ‘a moment’s experience’. It was on-going since pre-birth! My tiny personhood could not endure the deep desperation of dis-connection. I was cut adrift! While validated with my increased understanding and sadness for myself, I also felt a pit of despair and hopelessness in the significance of the life-time implications.
Life continued as I had to re-focus and address the demands of the day. As I tucked myself into bed that evening, my mind went back to my earlier interaction with Immanuel. And my soul heard,
“Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you!” (Isaiah 49:15)
That mother persisted pursuing her child till they were securely connected again. I AM more persistent in my pursuit to let your soul experience the strong, tender and delightful bond we have! Nothing will ever separate you from my love! You are not adrift!”